A Team By Any Other Name
As most of you out there already know the Revs will facing a team with one of the more unique names in world football, Joe Public FC of Trinidad & Tobago. Yes that is seriously their name. It sounds like something you’d make up while trying to make a point to your friend at the bar after a few drinks. “Yesh, yesh…so, yunno what they need to do? They need some creative midfielders y’see. I don’t where they come from, they could be from Man City or they could be from Joe Public FC. I don’t give a damn.”
Now you hear a lot of talk from non-MLS soccer fans about how American team names are weird or out of step with international naming traditions. My friend Mickey, a lifelong West Ham supporter who makes his living on this side of the Pond now with the MBTA, has on more than one occasion shook his head at me and said, “Your league is alright far as the quality goes but the names are bloody awful.”
The Revs have in the past played a whole host of colorfully named teams. Wiz, Clash, City Islanders, Fusion, Mutiny, and Crystal Palace Baltimore (sorry, I just had to say that one more time) have all appeared on the scoreboard as the away team against our boys.
This got me to thinking. I know it isn’t just America that doesn’t follow the “(insert town name) F.C./United” naming scheme. What are the most interesting names in the world of soccer? So what follows are my picks. They’re not rated in any real order because honestly each one is as unique (to put it mildly) as the others.
01.) ANSAN HALLELUJAH F.C. (South Korea)
Amen! The name of the city they represent, Ansan, only appears in the full version of this club founded by Christian missionaries so regularly they’re referred to as just Hallelujah Football Club. They were one of the founding member teams of the K-League in 1983 (also the first K-League champions) but now play at the amateur level in the Korean National League. Their trophy case also holds two Korean President’s Cups which is the Korean equivalent to the English FA Vase. In another example why you should probably never mix religion with soccer (yes, Old Firm, I’m looking at you) Hallelujah was forced by extremist Buddhist monks to leave their original home stadium in the city of Iksan in 2003.
02.) INTER SHANGHAI (China)
Before there was Real Salt Lake there was this 2003-2005 incarnation of the current Chinese Super League team now known as Shaanxi Baorong Chanba. Originally founded in Shanghai in 1995 as Shanghai Pudong this team has also been known as Shanghai Pudong Whirlpool, Pudong Lianyang 8848, and Shanghai COSCO before taking the Inter moniker. After the team moved from Shangai to the city of Xi’an in 2006 they adopted the name Inter Xi’an for a single season before using their current name. “Inter” remains their nickname. Got all that?
03.) HOME UNITED F.C. (Singapore)
Originally named Police Football Club, this S-League team’s nickname is…wait for it, the Protectors. The team is affiliated with both the Singapore Police and the Civil Defense Forces of Singapore. I wonder if some Singapore comedian has written a “Who’s On First” style sketch about these guys.
“Who’s the away team?”
“Home.”
“No, I know who the home team is. Who’s the away team?”
“Home!”
Good stuff.
04.) WESTERN SUBURBS (New Zealand)
Known to their fans as the Wests, this lower division team hails from (you guessed it) the suburbs of the city of Porirua. They formed in 1906 as Hospital AFC and drew players from the staff of a mental hospital. They are something of a lower division giant having taken home the won their league 4 times in the 12 years and have won New Zealand’s knockout tournament, the Chatham Cup, 3 times. Before you ask, yes, there is an Eastern Suburbs team too.
05.) AIRBUS UK BROUGHTON F.C. (Wales)
The Wingmakers are associated with an aerospace/airplane factory and have been named after whoever owns the plant at the time (Vickers, British Aerospace, BAE Systems, and so on). They hold the interesting distinction of playing next to a working airfield so their ground has retractable floodlights. Of course it’s called The Airfield. Awesome.
06.) BLOEMFONTEIN CELTIC (South Africa)
Now there are a lot of “Celtic” teams running around out there. You’ve got that little club from the East End of Glasgow for starters but have you heard of Farnsley Celtic? Donegal Celtic? How about Stalybridge Celtic? I would have written about one of those but they’re all in the British Isles. A Celtic that hails from South Africa (“Where in Ireland is Bloemfontein?” you might ask yourself) is something else again. In 1984 Manguang United’s ownership adopted the Glasgow club’s name as well as their green-and-white hooped jerseys. Their fans, the Siwelele, are some of the more famous in the country. I want to see a tournament featuring these guys, Celtic FC, Donegal Celtic, and Shamrock Rovers for the rowdy all-hoops madness that would ensue.
07.) CLUB JORGE WILSTERMANN (Bolivia)
07a.) DEPORTIVO WALTER FERRETTI (Nicaragua)
No greater love hath a team than to name themselves after a local hero. In the case of the Bolivian entry it dedicated itself to the memory of that nation’s aviationpioneer. The airport in the city, Cochabamba, is also named for Wilstermann. They’ve made 15 appearances in the Copa Libertadores. They also have the distinction of being one of only 3 teams in the Bolivian top flight to never have been relegated. Walter Ferretti was a former president of the club, which was called MINT when it was founded in 1987 in Managua. When he died in a 1991 car wreck the club honored his memory by changing their name. The stadium they play in honors another person, Baltimore Orioles legend Dennis Martinez.
08.) SERBIAN WHITE EAGLES (Canada)
08a.) BONNYRIGG WHITE EAGLES (Australia)
Part of the Serbian diaspora and the larger football tradition in immigrant communities of naming their clubs after their homelands, the White Eagles name comes from the two-headed eagle on the Serbian flag. Canada and Australia are home to the two biggest examples. I’m leaving out Canberra, Springvale, Dianella, and Albion Park’s White Eagle teams. The Canadian entry is from Toronto and plays in the Canadian Soccer League’s International Division alongside teams like the Italia Shooters, African Icons, and their rivals Toronto Croatia (who won the NASL title in 1975 as “Toronto Metros-Croatia” featuring Eusebio). The traditional Serbs vs. Croat rivalry unfortunately is much more heated in Australia between Bonnyrigg and teams with ties to the Australian Croatian community like Sydney United (formerly Sydney Croatia). Bonnyrigg has produced two “Socceroos” (Australian national teamers) in the form of the retired Milan Blagojevic (1991-2002) and young prospect Danny Vukovic (currently with the A-League’s Central Coast Mariners).
09.) KING FAISAL BABES (Ghana)
The top flight league in Ghana has a wealth of great names. You’ve got Hearts of Oak, All Stars, Heart of Lions, All Blacks, The Feyenoord Academy, Ashanti Gold, and the Great Olympics. However in the Ghana name stakes nobody scores higher than the King Faisal Babes. Sharing the Baba Yara Stadium with giants Asante Kotoko, the team is owned by Saudi Arabians who named them after the beloved deceased King Faisal.
10.) F.C. TORPEDO MOSCOW (Russia)
You can’t have a list like this and leave off probably my favorite team name ever. From 1936 to 1995 this fallen Russian giant was simply known as Torpedo. They were founded as Proletarian Forge in 1930. Once a powerhouse of Soviet football (they once drew 105,000 in a 1966 European Cup clash with Inter Milan and won 6 Soviet league titles), the Black-Whites were relegated to the First Division in 2006. Torpedo is one of 3 teams that inhabit Moscow’s massive Luzhniki Stadium, alongside CSKA Moscow and Spartak Moscow. The field is our favorite surface, FieldTurf, and Manchester United fans will always hold it dear as the sight of their 2008 Champions League victory.
I can already hear some griping about teams left off this list. No Deportivo Wanka? No Total Network Solutions F.C.? And how in the name of God did I leave off the Ohio Xoggz?! Those are all screaming no-brainers right? Not really.
In my defense if you don’t know about Wanka then I can’t help you. Total Network Solutions is now The New Saints and that’s not all that interesting in my opinion. I did include an old name of a current team but come on, New Saints or Inter Shanghai? Don’t be silly. Lastly, and as wonderfully disgusting as the name is, Ohio (later Columbus) Xoggz lost out because I didn’t want to use any American or defunct clubs. We could be here all night if I opened those floodgates. Bad American and/or defunct name choices could be their own list. Just ask anyone who ever pulled on a Roanoke Wrath, San Diego Top Guns, or an Austin Posse jersey.
Take your hats off, however, for all those German clubs who had to change their names under the East German system. Dwayne De Rosario’s former employers at FSV Zwickau chafed under the name BSG Aktivist Karl-Marx Zwickau during the Communist regime. Fit that into a chant. I dare you.
END HITS: If you’re looking for something to raise your blood pressure I direct you to the comment section of any YouTube video from our SuperLiga matches where you will sadly find the worst sort of racist and nationalist verbal trash from fans both Mexican and American…the Austin Posse probably also deserve their own column as anyone who recalls their brief 2004 existence would agree (trying to join the Mexican 2nd division is only part of it)…Speaking of SuperLiga please bring as many friends and family as you can to Tuesday’s because if our attendance is 10,000 for this that’ll just be pathetic…Spare a moment’s prayer for the Telefutura suits who must be ripping their hair out at this all-MLS final which basically ensures sleep will rank higher than the game in Mexico…The Toronto away trip can’t get here fast enough and you know we have to rip ‘em in song for losing to Montreal…Although as a lifelong Bruins fan singing something even vaguely pro-Montreal-anything causes my soul to hurt…R.I.P Ahmad Basri Akil, the so-called “father” of the sport in Malaysia, who leaves behind 3 wives and 10 kids.
This column goes out to Trevor in Petaluma (thanks for waiting) and also thanks to Matt Magliozzi for his help in compiling this list!